It’s that special time of the year again! I’m getting drunk at weird hours of the day on things like eggnog and Hot Toddies. I’m buying hate gifts for people that I don’t like but feel obligated to purchase wildly expensive presents for. My bank account has less money in it than an 8-year-old child’s piggy bank and I am living on a diet of foraged cookies and things made out of cheese covered in nuts.
I don’t know what you are but you’re surrounded by Ritz crackers thus I WANT YOU IN MY MOUTH.