Last night TVs across America collectively decided to not give a fuck about the 40th Annual American Music Awards. I didn’t tune in because I was nursing a pretty severe hangover and had to wax my gooch. Even though I didn’t watch the awards I am still going to judge the fuck out the outfits that paraded down the red carpet last night.
Taylor Swift: D+
WOW! A gold sparkle dress with gold strappy shoes? FUCKING SNOOZE. I would give anything to see TayTay show up in a pair of Xtina’s old crotch sweat stained chaps from her Puerto Rican hooker phase.
Ke$ha (are we still going with the $ instead of a ‘S’? Ok, sure. Whatever she wants.): A-
I’ve got to hand it to her…this dirty $wamp monster cleans up nice. I would wear those shoes. Her legs look like they belong on a Jessica Lange type sexy older woman but whatevs, she’s not covered in trash so I guess that’s a $tep up.
Justin Beiber, A++++