Last night, just two days before the world explodes, Cee Lo Green, Lisa Vanderpump, Masaharu Morimoto (wtf was he doing there), and some ancient Mayan Gods decided on a new ruler to lead the Universe into its next epoch. Miss USA, Olivia Culpo, was chosen as leader of the cosmos and harbinger of the end of the world as we know it.
Before the Mayan Gods come back to claim their land tomorrow by ripping our guts out through our assholes and throwing babies off cliffs or whatever, let’s recap the best costumes from last night’s shit show pageant hosted by Andy Cohen and an overly tan bobble head doll made by Gepetto.
”I shall call her Giuliana Rancic.”
In no particular order here are the weirdest fucking costumes from 2012.
# 4: Miss Denmark Josefine Hewitt
Granted I’ve never been to Denmark (I couldn’t even point to its general location on a map where the only country on the map was Denmark) but I’m almost 100% sure that its residents are not merpeople. Miss Denmark’s national costume confuses me because she is dressed like the front of an old pirate ship. Apparently this is a nod to fellow Denmarkian (Denmarkan? Denperson? Cheese Danish?) and merperson Hans Christian Andersen’s autobiography “The Little Mermaid”. Josefine could have purchased a more convincing Ariel the mermaid costume in an Orlando, FL Disney store discount outlet. Terrible.
# 3: Miss Romania Della Monica Duca
Nothing says ‘Romanian heritage’ like dressing up as a galactic prostitute. This is a hot look.
# 2: Miss Israel Lina Makhuli
I wish I could have sat in on this sexy menorah’s design meeting. “I want to look like a Jewish day care student’s Chanukah art project. But also, I want the most important Hebrew iconography plastered across my tits.”
# 1: Miss Canada Adwoa Yamoah
The best part of Miss Canada’s multicultural flag cape: she forgot to include Canada. Seems like a pretty glaring mistake, eh?
I really fucking hope we don’t all die tomorrow because I want to see so many more Miss Universe pageants.
Thanks to Kat for her incredible Photoshop skills.