Panty Dropper: Elmo

The world caught a big case of the sads yesterday when it found out that Elmo’s master had done the nasty with some underage chirrun. 24-year-old Sheldon Stephens accused Elmo’s handler, Kevin Clash, 52, of partaking in inappropriate relations when Stephens was 16.

While we can all agree that a gay black man who shoves his fist inside a tiny monster for a living is weird, it was a little disheartening to think that the man behind and inside Elmo would molest an underage kid.

 

Woah, woah, woah, wait a minute…I’m gay?

 

Today, The Smoking Gun uncovered that the slut who tried to tarnish Elmo’s reputation is a dirty little career criminal with a history of shasty behavior. He’s passed a bad check (but so have I), been arrested for reckless driving (again, so have I), robbed a music manager at gunpoint (I’ve only robbed a music manager at knifepoint) AND tried to steal a $250,000 diamond necklace.

 

As soon as TSG uncovered Stephens past indiscretions, Stephens law firm dropped him as a client. Apparently Stephens has been attracted to “high powered men” in the past and set his sights on exploiting Clash. I’m not sure what about Elmo screams “high powered man” but whatever…I hope this little dirty rots in hell for hurting Elmo.

 

Also, as a general rule if you have facial hair, you need to have armpit hair. Just sayin’.

 

I’m just happy that peace has been restored to da Streetz.

 

Is our trip to Hedonism II back on? Yay!

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