It’s that time of year again. Time to determine my New Year’s Resolutions. Considering the last two weeks of my life have been a Bacchanalian cheese filled gorge fest replete with peppermint flavored anything and everything, I think I’m going to try to be….ugh…healthy.
Can I get a small Diet Coke with that?
”I shall call her Giuliana Rancic.”
In no particular order here are the weirdest fucking costumes from 2012.
I’ve had to spend a few days collecting my thoughts about the Masterpiece Theatre train wreck that was “Liz & Dick”. Was it a sad performance from a frozen faced ginger bitch in a series of bad wigs or was it an art performance redolent of Allan Kaprow? Was it a pathetic attempt at telling a beautiful love story or a fantastic piece of high camp? Did I love it? Did I hate it? Did I throw up in the middle of my second showing of the movie because I had to get incredibly drunk to sit through it?
When you’re a little kid, staying home from school was truly awesome. You were waited on hand and foot, you got a cold or warm compress professionally applied by your mom, you had access to unlimited popsicles, chicken broth, Goldfish crackers, and you had nonstop Saltines on deck. Judge Judy on the reg. Montel reruns for hours. That’s the life, son. Read the rest of this story
Gay couples, rejoice! This election was a huge victory for gay America, black America, Latino America, America Ferrera, South America, Central America, stoned people in a few states in America and the rest of the world.
Prop. 982: Mike and Ike Protection Act finally passed!
Remember to get out there and vote! And then take your pants off in front of the Washington Monument and take a few beer bongs to the face just like our Founding Fathers would have wanted it!
AMERICA. FUCK YEAH!
Stay safe and remember not to use up all your batteries charging your sex toys. And look on the bright side…at least next year you don’t have to spend $30 on overnight delivery for your last minute Honey Boo Boo costume wig.